Fantasies Galore

Drew Brees. I would have to say that yes, Drew Brees is a major contributor to my fantasy. Also, Jimmy Graham. Mmmmmm….tall, athletic Jimmy. Oh oh, and Darren Sproles, with those massively muscular thighs…..yesssss.

Fantasy Football Team that is.

Only I didn’t get Drew in the draft so he stays firmly planted in the, ummm, other type of fantasy.

For the first time ever I accepted the daunting task of signing up for our work Fantasy Football. I told my pal that I would definitely join but they would have to be VERY patient with me and explain it all to me as we go. And thus far, they have been. However, the ins and outs of how the player-picking draft worked were a little fuzzy to me, right up to draft night. So there I sat, hunched over my dining room table at 9:30 at night with my laptop open, trying desperately to log on to the site, messaging him saying “The hell, dude??”. After a quick IT intervention I was logged on, staring at a screen full of hundreds of names, some that I easily recognized, some that I had never  heard of  before. And then BOOM the countdown appeared on my screen, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1… and it was all systems GO. Time to learn-as-we-draft. I quickly realized I could categorize the players by position, that the defence came as a whole, not individual players, that you need back ups for bye weeks, and that you probably shouldn’t pick too many players from the same team because those bye weeks I just mentioned, will kill you in the points if all your guys are off at the same time and you don’t have good back ups.

I realized I could start pulling guys over to my “dream roster” and made a list worth about a catrillion dollars in salaries and wondered why no one else wanted these guys. And then I watched them magically disappear from my dream roster. What? Where were they going? Whats going on? And then it dawned on me. I am 12th in line to actually “acquire” these guys. And slowly, one by one, they are being STOLEN from me. I watched Drew Brees blow away. Watched Victor Cruz salsa on to someone elses roster. Watched Garrett Hartley get punted from my list. And then I put my game face on. Ok bitches, you wanna play like that? Shit just got serious. Game. On.

So I totally love my roster. I took a chance on Payton Manning, aka The Neck. I snagged my slam-dunk Jimmy Graham and lightning-feet Darren Sproles. I have a decent kicker (San Fran, HOLLA!) and my defence is RUN by none other than dance-for-me-baby Ray Lewis. I have not traded, cut or otherwise disposed of any of my initial choices. I stand by them and only ever put in a back-up player if one is needed due to injury or a bye week (which, I might add, you need to stay on top of lest you get screwed). They are my team, my McKs Picks. And I love them like I was paying them. I am 2 and 2 for wins and losses and some players surprise me and some disappoint but either way, they are all mine and I am not giving them up to anyone. There is nothing in this virtual football world that you could offer me that would make me want to give you Jimmy or Mario or Mike. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Well…….maybe if you offered me Drew, but other than that, you can keep your trade offers and your waivers and all that other stuff that I still don’t entirely understand and just leave me and my team alone.

There’s very little trash talk, I’m usually the instigator (I can be a weeeeeeee bit annoying that way), and I realize now that I am probably very fortunate that some people in our league do not have work cell phones because given the ability to text or messages my thoughts in “the moment”, I would likely be bugging the shit out of them. All. Weekend. Long. This would, more often than not, bite me in the ass by the time the game is over as I am a little premature in my team/player bashing and usually end up getting hammered. But I am not too worried one way or the other. As long as theres football, I am a happy camper.

A happy camper with 97 projected points this week, oh yeah, uh-huh, you know it! Take THAT! Suckers.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s