Jesus H Winnipeg, Cheer the Hell Up

Ok 85% of you Winnipeggers. What in the bejeebus is it going to take to make you happy? Huh? What? Because no matter what you whine for, pine for, beg for or insist on, the  MINUTE you get it, you find something wrong with it. ALWAYS. Oh, you think I’m wrong? You feelin’ a touch defensive? Let me refresh your whiny goddamn memory. Sit back, relax, and just listen to yourselves.

Case in point number 1 – We want an NHL team. No wait. We want OUR NHL team back. The old one. And you better call them the Jets. Oh whats that? We have them and you called them the Jets? Well then the logo better be pretty effing cool. Oh whats that? You’re changing the logo? Oh em gee it better be wicked or we just won’t like the Jets AT ALL anymore. THAT’S the logo??? Fuck the Jets man.

Case in point number 2 – We want a new stadium. The old one is horrible and gross and rickety and an embarrassment to the city of Winnipeg. It has gross bathrooms and small seats and is Just. Not. Good Enough. Oh whats that? We get a new stadium? Its going to be state of the art and likely the nicest one in all of Canada? Well then it better be ready the friggin SECOND you said it was going to be ready or we just won’t like the Bombers anymore. Never mind that its an architecturally intense structure that we don’t want to get wrong, its late. Its late and the world just stops turning cuz YOU SAID it would be ready. Oh whats that? We don’t get the trough to pee in anymore and the team lost this year? Fuck the Bombers man.

Case in point number 3 – We want an Ikea. We’re a big, all-growed-up city now and we deserve a big, all-growed-up store. Winnipeg has been holding its breath for decades to bring in a furniture store to monopolize the really-neatly-designed-but-crappily-made furniture market and goddammit we NEED this. It will show the rest of Canada that we aren’t the stupid little brother anymore. Oh whats that? Its coming and is going to open on time? Well did you not realize that it was going to put smaller home decor stores out of business and the products are horrible and don’t come with instructions and only losers admit to shopping at Ikea? Fuck Ikea man.

Winnipeg. Get. Over. Yourselves.


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